How to ... blog

Here's something for all you silent casual readers of this blog, who missed out on being named TIME magazine's Person of the Year... some tips should you decide to start your own blog.


How to ... blog
by Guy Browning

Traditionally, people kept diaries of their innermost thoughts, safe in the knowledge that no one would ever publish them. Nowadays, millions of people publish their innermost thoughts as internet blogs, safe in the knowledge that no one will ever read them.

Blogging has the same effect on your innermost thoughts as inviting a TV crew into your home. Bloggers think what they want to communicate rather than communicating what they think. Ninety per cent of the people who read your blog live within six miles of your computer. The other 10% read it on your computer. It's never a good idea to blog about your workplace. When you complain about your boss doing nothing at work, you'll soon find the one thing he makes sure he does is read your blog.

Blogs are how teenagers hang around on street corners without leaving their bedroom. It's an ideal place to say everything your parents don't want to hear. "I don't know what to write about today," is not a good way of starting a blog. You'll notice that none of the great works of literature start with that line.

Bloggers' law is that the more time you spend blogging, the less you'll have to write about. Posting bad things on your blog is like dumping rubbish in space. Eventually it will fall to earth and could hurt someone, very possibly you.

Have a name for your blog. If anonymity is important for you, avoid "Ian Smith's Blog". Go for something weary and cynical because this is the default mode for bloggers. Sunny Thoughts For Today will get you precisely no readers because people with sunny thoughts are generally outside playing, not online suppurating.

There's nothing more surprising and enjoyable than getting a comment on your blog. This shows someone is reading what you're writing. They may hate it, but people took time to appreciate Chekhov.

Never meet someone you contacted through a blog. Your disappointment in them will be as nothing compared with their disappointment in you. It's then a rush to see who can blog their disappointment first.