Thursday, April 10, 2003

Our armchair correspondent in London has a few unanswered questions. Quite a few of them as you can see below.
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When the entrails of this third Gulf war (compliments to Tareq) come to picked over by historians they will be confronted with a number of mysteries. Here are some of them, in random order of impenetrability:

Why did Saddam Hussein, when he was given a forty-eight hour ultimatum to either comply with the United Nations disarmament resolution or get out, not do one of two things. He could have put his hand up and said: "OK, I am sorry that I mislead you and here are my weapons of mass destruction." Or, if he genuinely believed that he did not have any, say: "I have put all the scientists on your list on today's Air Iraq flight to Cyprus along with their families and you can ask them whatever you like." Either of these responses would have left Saddam and his sons with all the trappings of power and a very comfortable life style in perpetuity.

Here in North London I only had to go out of my front door (which faces West) to hear President Bush in Washington's heart thumping as he held his breath.

My guess (and it is only a guess) is that Saddam allowed himself to be persuaded by the peaceniks that the United States would never dare to go against the United Nations. For certain there was no one in the Iraqi government who would have risked his life to warn his President of a possible disastrous outcome if the confrontation continued. Saddam only had to say: "Do I have to put up with this man's drivel?" (where have I heard that before?) for him to become, as American's say, toast. It may even be, and this would explain a lot, that he was under the delusion that everyone left in Iraq actually liked him.

The second mystery is how is it that Tariq Aziz, who looks so like a cuddly grandfather from Central Casting, comes to be a part of the Ba'athist gang? He first showed up on the radar during the run-up to Desert Storm as the Iraqi interviewee of choice for such distinguished current affairs shows as CNN's Larry King Live and the BBC's Newsnight. It came as a surprise but no surprise to learn that he is a Christian and not a member of the Saddam tribal clan. There were many who were sufficiently taken in to accept his assurance that Iraq's invasion of Kuwait was an act of self-defence. It is to be hoped that, like Herman Goering, Aziz is carrying around an analy retained cyanide capsule because hanging him may go down badly with the American Christian Right. In his recent well publicised visit to the Pope did the Holy Father, do you suppose, administer to him the last rights? ("See you soon.")

Yet another mystery is how the many thousands of military pundits embedded (to use Dick Cheney's phrase) in the television studios have missed the simple fact that Takrit is being saved up for America's 4th Infantry Division. The American military is one big family and it is inconceivable that one of its most illustrious and best equipped outfits should be humiliated by being made to return to the United States unblooded. It was not the fault of the "Iron Horse" (as the 4th Infantry is known) that its equipment was locked in a Mediterranean stand-off while the French and the US battled for the hearts and minds of the Turks. The French, threatening to veto Turkey's admission to EEC membership, won. The 4th Infantry has now flown in to Kuwait whence its equipment has been shipped via the Suez Canal.

In its current location one of the 4th Infantry's armoured squadrons has had to endure a Busby Barclay style interview by the disgraced FoxNews correspondent Geraldo Rivera. In typical Geraldo fashion the other ranks were arranged in an arc to provide a patriotic backdrop for the great television personality. Their commanding officer then came into shot stage left and in a well rehearsed piece of business delivered his lines with the authority of a modern General Custer. It is very possible that it was not drawing a map in the sand that got Geraldo declared persona non grata to the 101st Airborne in Iraq but an earlier and similar piece of cringe making burlesque comedy that stuck in a one star craw, Having suffered so much, the 4th Infantry deserve a crack at the real enemy.

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