عزاء الرجال في الكويت

I was about to - belatedly - comment on Pink's post about women's condolence rituals in Kuwait, but decided to do a whole post instead about men's rituals. But where in hell did she find that word "obsequies"? It sounds so Victorian.

I feel bad talking about it today, since I've already gone to 2 condolences so far this week, with 2 more to go الله يعدّي الأسبوع على خير, but here goes... Once again, we men have it better than the women because when we go to a diwania to pay our respects to the deceased's family, we're in and out so fast it doesn't take more than 3 minutes and we're done with the whole thing. My mother and sisters always envy me for this.

However, there's more to that simplicity than meets the eye, and I've noticed some weird - if not disturbing - trends:

1. The amount of people descending on any diwania is proportionate to the deceased family's wealth and social standing.
2. This also affects the number of distant "relatives", young and old, hanging around for 3 days at the diwania just to see and be seen. "You may have seen me here or there and not known who I was, well now you do!"
3. The bigger diwanias have more rooms on the side, where the relatives can relax after being on their feet all day. It helps to sit there in a vantage point with your eye on the door, so you can catch anyone you may have important business with. Many deals are sealed at condolences. Ditto for wedding receptions.
4. If the deceased is from the poor side of a wealthy family, the attendance level drops dramatically.
5. Even for a 3-minute ritual, some men can't leave their mobile phones in the car.
6. An increasing number of men walk in holding their mobiles and sunglasses in one hand and shaking hands with the other. They are not aware that their dishdasha has 3 pockets. I hate them!!
7. Many men make a point of going in the morning during working hours just to show the world that they are masters of their own destiny and not stuck in a desk job with the rest of the "working class". Others actually do have time to spare.. in spades!
8. The afternoon condolences are the reserve of the young and energetic, who don't take 2-hour naps after lunch.
9. Parking laws are thrown out the window, especially at diwanias located on main ring roads.
10. If you have the police organizing traffic and parking at your condolences, it means you are one hell of a bigshot. Ditto for your son's wedding reception.

Shi'a condolences usually take place in a mosque or "husseiniya", which kind of makes sense since they are places of worship. It can take up to 10 minutes to be done with the ritual there, because most of them are so vast that you need time to walk and find a seat after you're done offering your condolences to the family of the deceased. They are also more generous in that they offer water and tea or coffee, ما عندهم بخل النجادة والعياذ بالله
. One is also obliged to listen to a few passages from the Qur'an, usually from a stereo system, before leaving.

As for عزاء الشيوخ Al-Sabah condolences , I've always found them awkward. A huge room in the diwan with everybody from the family you can think of, whether related closely to the deceased or not. I never understood that. And because the room is packed with men receiving condolences, there is no room to sit, intentionally I assume. And then there's that awkward "holding room", which reminds me of planes circling over Heathrow waiting for instructions to land. You are held there with a bunch of people until somebody gives you the green light to go in. I should add that I hear the Al-Sabah family is the only ruling family in the Gulf that actually goes to pay respects and offer condolences to the country's families. Apparently - and correct me if I'm wrong - the other Gulf ruling families can't be bothered.

As a general rule, I only go to these things if I know someone directly related to the deceased. I myself have been on the receiving end a few times so I know how much this gesture is appreciated and reciprocated.

Oh, and I only go to the cemetery in winter.. never in summer, unless it's for really close friends and family.