Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Veiled Conceit

Maybe with Valentine's Day around the corner, it seems a lot of fellow Kuwaiti bloggers have love and marriage on their minds (not me!), and have been discussing marriage on their blogs from different points of view, most notably Kuwaiti-style weddings and their many... um... drawbacks. Most of our female bloggers complained about the fake sincerity they are forced to put on at these occasions and how they rarely enjoy them.

Since I tend to seek out anything funny, ruthless and sarcastic to light up my life (and as a possible distraction from my own messed up love life), I've become addicted to this blog called Veiled Conceit, which bills itself as "a glimpse into that haven of superficial, pretentious, pseudo-aristocratic vanity: The NY Times' Wedding & Celebration Announcements".

Here's how it works: Every week (or sometimes more frequently), Zach, the blogger, takes a happy, beaming couple who have just had their wedding announced in the New York Times's Weddings & Celebrations section, and proceeds to rip them apart and make fun of them with absolutely no mercy. Everything from the wedding, the vows, the guests to the announcement itself is fair game in this blog and the result is nothing short of hilarious. His toughest rant was about the recent Trump wedding circus, discreetly titled "Fuck Trump".

Since we Kuwaiti men don't get exposed to Kuwaiti style all-female weddings that often - and thank God for that! - I suggest one of you ladies start a blog along the lines of Veiled Conceit to cover Kuwaiti weddings and all the gossip that goes with them. You can even expand your blog to make fun of the grooms' photos in the papers all decked out in their بشوت, posing next to علية القوم.

How about it, ladies?

22 comments:

  1. why wanna make fun of our selfs!!!

    man zeez why are you so -ve , u r so sweet you desrve better.

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  2. Fuck Kuwaiti weddings

    Fuck whoever started every fucking tradition associated with fucking Kuwaiti weddings

    Fuck the fuckers who get married just so they can fuck us all by their fucking non stop complaints

    Weddings are a celebration of two people who will start fucking legally so just go fuck your brains out and keep quite - SO WHAT if her morning breath is fucking deadly!!

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings and fuck Elie Saab

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings and fuck Nicholas

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings and fuck m7amad 3abdo the fucking wedding singer

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings and fuck every fucker who looks at wedding photos so he can find a fucking wife!

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings and fuck every disgusting-tasteless-gross-over the top make up, dress, jewellery and hair!

    Fuck all the fucking whores ( men and women ) who think marrying for money can bring fucking happiness!

    Fuck you with that besht you wear you look like a fucking wannabe and it smells bad too!

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings! What happend to good old bring your toothbrush and come live with me? don't worry about your dad he can fuck himself!

    Fuck Kuwaiti weddings - fucking hate them!!

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  3. BoJai seems to be very eloquent. He can probably take up your proposition Zaydoun.

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  4. Jewaira

    I'm too busy being a popular Mosque Imam and all

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  5. BoJaij.. the post was (silently) dedicated to you.. I'm sure you'll get a kick out of Veiled Conceit

    But don't go near Mohamed 3abdo!!! ما أرضى عليه I'm going to the concert tomorrow night... But you're right about him and weddings, I always thought it was beneath him for some reason

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  6. Zaydoun

    Say hi to him and stick a 10 KD bill in the upper pocket of his white coat please

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  7. A girls point of view:

    Now first things first this comment page has gone out of control. The problem is not the weddings in this country its the factors of union. Why are young people getting married, and getting divorced? because like someone said a wedding is the union of two able bodies, inlove (arguable case in most cases) celebrating their union.

    First of all marriage is sacred, a girl will not grab her tooth brush, and her dad will not fuck himself. She has been waiting her whole life dreaming of that one day. Its a celebration of her beauty, her capability to love, her entering a new relm, where she can only think of one thing her future. Marriage is a family, eventually have children (WHEN THE COUPLE IS READY TO HAVE SUCH A RESPONSIBILITY) of course.

    Ive lived abroad for the most part, but weddings in this country are actually really nice, yet questionable. Its mostly show and tell, and i find myself looking for any hint of love or happiness, all i see are statues, and godesses, i cant find reality.

    As for the dream of one day getting married: the dream is a sorong on a beach with a lilie on my ear, and only close loved ones (including zaydoun) hehe, but you know thats my dream, but I might have to go just a tad traditional..who knows...

    thats of course, when i find a man, or if i do...

    B.

    Peace out.

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  8. Another female point of view:

    I agree with BoJaij. But I would go a step further: It's not just Kuwaiti weddings. It's marriage in general. If 2 people are want to live the rest of their lives together, why should they get married? Why not just live together? Why would they need approval from "the public" or the govt or whoever? I guess I can understand if the people are religious and their religion insists that they have some sort of ceremony. But why inflict those religious beliefs on anyone else? Marriage doesn't make unhappy people happy. Marriage doesn't make deceitful people faithful. Marriage doesn't really do anything for a relationship.

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  9. Sarah.
    we need marriage to mark a day. you should blame hallmark for comercializing anniversaries!! we should be really mad at the world!!! how dare they make the world civilized, you guyz seem to have gungle fever.
    Marriage is not a big deal. All the certificates, governemt, religious are all about identification. One day when you have children they will say these offsprings are of that union... Its not to tell ppl how to act, or not act, you are still you, except now you can get a hotel room in this country because you have (3aqd zawaj)..heheh
    dont let all that mumbo jumbo bother you its just propaganda.

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  10. LoOoL.. I know I could be vane some times, but did I start all the wedding bashing relationship blogging streak?? (although my entry wasn't bashing any thing) As I went through most of the ones in safat that caught my attention with the same subject more or less, I found that my blog entry was the first when you back date track it.. or is it like a 3eed post or new year post that everyone would be talking about at the same time ?? hmm.. Anyway.. Interesting and funny entry Z..

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  11. I'm curious about Kuwaiti weddings.What are they like?Any online photos to see?

    I have a theory on weddings here in this country.Almost everyone I know who had an over the top expensive wedding is now divorced.Almost everyone who had a cheapy one is still married.It is almost like the marriage can't live up the the dream wedding?

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  12. A third female point of view
    Oh bu-jaij, you turned me on.
    I think you should listen to Zaydoun and Jewaira, being an Imam in mosque will make it even more exiting. LOL

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  13. Top 10 signs your neighbor is throwing a wedding:

    1) The house next door is filled with lights surrounding it. You think they're celebrating Christmas with all the lights but it's actually your typical bedouin Christmas.

    2) Your own fucking driveway is filled with your neighbors' cars.

    3) Their kids are outside in your own damn backyard just to chase cats. Little bastards.

    4) Your neighborhood becomes like a zoo with so many sheep now in the neighborhood to slaughter.

    5) You think there's a terrorist attack, but it's actually your Bedouin neighbors celebrating by shooting guns in the air out of celebration, not terrorism.

    6) Music is 7aram to them, but it's ok on this night.

    7) There are so many police cars in the neighborhood, you actually think something went wrong, but they're actually relatives!!!

    8) The Sheikh or Mullah who presides over the wedding is the same guy you saw in Thailand a few months ago who wanted to share a drink with you.

    9) The trucks and wanayt are especially waxed and cleaned for this event.

    10) Beards are especially combed and dishdashas are actually the right length.

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  14. Oh Zaydoun our weddings are much fun man, having lived a large portion of my life abroad I enjoy each wedding. We have more or less the same things in Libya, minus the besht and the long beards. Also girls prefer Italian dresses to Elie Saab ( can't figure out why? he's got some amazing creations ;) ). If you are brother of the bride you get to join in the 'all girls party' and watch some amazing gyrating on the dance floor. I would not miss a Libyan wedding if I can help, the beautiful people, music and food ...too die for ..but literarily speaking it is very very expensive. My opinion has fluctuated between having a traditional Libyan wedding to a simple on to a semi traditonal, now I'm back to traditional - cause I don't want to miss all the fun. It's supposed to be a once in a lifetime thing. I can always get my sarong and the beach after the wedding and the زاغاريت

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  15. Zaydoun
    Me to got addicted , but to ku.unplugged
    '7oash post

    Bo-Jaij ,

    الإمام المنتظر
    to SIR with LOVE
    لك القبعات ترفع
    CHAPEAU

    the don

    جد جدي أول من جاب ثلاجه
    وجدة خالت أمي أول من ركبت ترايسكل :)

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  16. ripped_heart
    that was amusing.

    Christina
    your comment about the divorce rate of over expensive weddings is probably true world-wide

    On marriage:
    I support marriage as an institution.

    If you can't endure it with one partner there is always the option of divorce. But believing in ideal marriages and trying to make them work is essential- especially to raising children.

    Yes, it is just a piece of paper, like all the other man-made rules & regulations. No need to be cynical.

    I would rather have that piece of paper than wake up one morning and look to at the empty side of my bed and find that my lover/partner of 10 years has decided to get up & go (as many do in such cases - like in the USA particularly- )leaving me a "Sorry" note.

    Am not saying that does not happen in marriage too; but marriage is like believing in Santa Claus, a Fairy godmother, or a genie that grants you your wishes.

    They may not exist but they give you something to look forward to; hope & optimism. Marriage gives you a valid reason to make things work.

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  17. Wouldn't it be a good idea to set up an 'underground' dating service for kuwaitis, where its a requirement to go on atleast 20 official dates, travel together atleast once, and meet atleast one family member before you actually think of marriage. Maybe that way, we actually get to know each other before marriage. Maybe that way a girl can find out if her future husband-to-be prefers boobs or boys(or maybe boobs on boys)?
    Maybe that will solve our problems..and cure all the corroded marriages that are happening in this country..
    or maybe we're completely hopeless and helpless..

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  18. Bayzma: I wasn't picking on you. I was just offering up a different opinion. I respect your opinion, and think it's admirable that you believe in marriage. I don't have the same point of view as you, and that's all I was trying to say.

    Christina/Ohio: Kuwaiti weddings are very fun for the guests. I don't think they're very fun for the couple. I guess that's true of all weddings though.

    The Kuwaiti weddings I went to in Kuwait were segregated (Men and women separate). Some of them were low-key and the women celebrated in the living room (called "sala") and the men in the diwania, which is like a den/gameroom in an American home. The diwania often has a separate entrance, so that the women and men don't have to even look at each other. The more elaborate weddings I went to had the women in a rented hall and the men somewhere else (obviously I was with the women, so I don't really know where the men were).

    In either case, the women get really dressed up for such occasions. I think women who typically wear hijab (head covering) or niqab/burqa (face covering) look forward to weddings so that they can let loose. People complain about women gossipping and backbiting a lot at weddings. The poor bride has to sit on a "throne" at the front of the room (if it's in a rented hall, her throne is on a stage) and pretty much has to sit there for hours, while her sisters and other female relative primp her and make sure she looks just like an arab Barbie doll. In the meantime, the rest of the guests sit around gossiping, making fun of the bride (behind her back of course), complaining about the quality of food, etc

    Eventually the groom comes in and sits in a matching throne. Then a muslim version of a minister comes and says some stuff, and they sign their marriage contract. Then they're supposed to go off and make some babies.

    It's different than a Christian wedding in lots of ways. For one, there isn't a rehearsed/timed ceremony. In an American wedding, you know the ceremony will last for 30-60 minutes and then there will be cake, and you can be on your way within 2 hours. A Kuwaiti wedding can go on all night. Nobody really knows what's going on. The women who wear hijab (the head scarf) wait until someone starts screaming "the groom is coming!" and then they cover up. It's really very disorganized.

    As far as I know, people don't bring wedding gifts, and there isn't a bridal shower or bachelorette party. I don't think there is an official bachelor party, but, let's just say, boys will be boys.

    Anyway, that's all I know. I'm sure people on this blog can give you a better description. I really despise weddings (muslim and christian) and hate going to them, so I don't really know much about them.

    Oh, one thing I forgot to mention: the parents decorate their house with lights, like we do at Christmas time. . . Well, a little more than we do at Christmas. They often hang strings of lights from the roof of their 2-3 story house, to the fence around the house, so it makes the house look kind of like a tent. I'm sure many people in Kuwait are jaded and think it looks tacky (like people here are often jaded and think Christmas lights look tacky) but I think it's a beautiful tradition.

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  19. Sarah. I respect your opinion too.
    Im just saying that its not a big deal, the legalities that is.
    Wish you love and happiness in any way, shape or form :)
    B.

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Keep it clean, people!